Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
