lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
