YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
