Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
