I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
