Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There are leaves in my underwear?
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