just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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