why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
