I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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