his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
