it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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