don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
