someone owes me an orgasm
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
