i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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