Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
