I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
