I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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