Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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