Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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