Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
