I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
