Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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