i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
