how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
