It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
