Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
