He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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