But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
