Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
