Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
