I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
