It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
