i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
is it fun? or sober?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
