i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
