erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
