omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
