oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
