All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
