my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
