I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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