Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
