He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
