At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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