Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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