I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
