so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
