now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
