Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
People in love make me want to vomit
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
