..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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