Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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