The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
