So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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