you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
