you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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